ALEXANDRA SHULMAN’S NOTEBOOK: It’s right to keep the palace’s ‘bullying report’ secret

So, now we know for sure that the report on whether or not the Duchess of Sussex bullied staff at Kensington Palace will not be released.

While it would have been intriguing to hear the findings, I can not help thinking that keeping the report confidential should be the right decision for those involved.

Bullying leaves deep scars, so pushing the whole thing into the public domain would most likely have brought back unpleasant memories if any intimidating behavior had indeed taken place.

Bullying is hard to pinpoint, even to define. It causes a kind of spiritual violence and often leaves its victims afraid of their offender long after he or she is out of the picture.

I have no idea if the Duchess was a bully, but over the years I have encountered many bullies – especially the type who exert an insidious, subversive effect that is hard to put your finger on.

Screaming and screaming bullies are awful to work for. But it’s clear to everyone around what’s going on. That type of bullying is in public and there is often a tacit feeling of sympathy shared among colleagues. Which is at least a bit of comfort – especially since bullying is often directed at more than one individual.

Much more difficult to deal with is the kind of bullying that makes the victim question whether they are imagining it or wrong and as useless as they are told.

The bully plays cancerously with the psyche, finds the weak spot and plays with it like a cat with a wounded mouse. It works on a more subliminal level, but can leave much deeper scars.

Subtle bullying of this kind is more common in the creative industries – film, art, fashion, journalism – where each employee’s contribution is often based on personal relationships and relies on maintaining some confidence in his or her own abilities.

Once a bully attacks a person and makes them question their value, it can be fatal.

Bullies are usually self-harming characters, deriving their sense of power and authority from undermining others.

They rarely choose equals or someone who can fight back. Instead, they seek out the vulnerable. That’s all why it’s essential that the new HR policies and procedures put in place at the palace make a real effort to protect royal staff.

Our girls are struggling with an identity crisis

Now a days, a friend revealed that one in four pupils at his daughters’ primary school in Oxfordshire is now questioning their gender.

It sounds incredible – until you hear that the NHS has decided to remove the word ‘women’ from its main website’s guidance on ovarian, uterine and cervical cancer and menopause. If young girls live in a world where the word woman is considered unnecessary and inaccurate, is it any wonder that they are beginning to question their identity?

Although many young boys also deal with gender confusion, there does not seem to be the same attempt to ban the word ‘men’. So far, prostate and testicular cancer are still allowed to be described as the retention of those born male.

Let’s go through life in just one piece

I know a lid should be kept on ‘Oh, the good old days’ observations, but sometimes it’s irresistible.

This is exactly how I felt when I watched a video posted online by Novak Djokovic showing the tennis star and his cute coaches fluffing while trying to put together a garden trampoline. Oh, for the good old days before self-assembly!

Ikea has a lot to answer for. There was a time when bookshelves were ready for books, tables already had legs and yes, children’s toys showed up in one piece.

A time when shopping for a bed did not mean searching for the small print for the deadly words ‘packed’. But now, virtually anything that does not cost a fortune requires a master’s degree in Allen keys, a PhD in staggeringly illustrated instructions – and an almost impossible amount of good humor.

You get what you need with the Stones

I’m going to see the Rolling Stones Hyde Park play tonight, as excited as the 14 – year – old I’m going to my first gig – Roxy Music at the Rainbow in 1972.

I know, I know – there’s a big chance it’s going to end up being a Covid Super Distributor event; the band will look like shiny pins in the distance; some big guy will stand himself right in front of me; and it will be hell to get there and back.

But I’m also sure it’s going to be brilliant, with the always reliable Stones calling out all the old favorites,

They may have written the fantastic You Can’t Always Get What You Want, but you can always with their live performances.

Why is it foursome for our TV women?

The TV adaptation of Dolly Alderton’s bestseller Everything I Know About Love is thoroughly enjoyable. To immerse yourself in the single girl world of the charismatic but exhausting main character Maggie (played by Emma Appleton) and her three flatmates in 2012 is like baking in a barrel of brightly colored Aperol Spritz (although the drink was not fashionable at the time and I can not remember what was).

It also follows the ancient formula of the gang of four. Why celebrate? Little Women by Louisa May Alcott was the founding mother of the genre, with generations of girls identifying with the different sisters. More recently, Sex And The City and Lena Dunham’s Girls have been performing women’s quartets. What is it about four – as opposed to three or five, or any other number – that makes it so appealing to women who write about women’s lives?

To take hospital corners for granted

Every morning, our cat Coco eyeballs me until I give her a sprinkle of Thrive (think Maltese for cats). This practice started as an opportunity, but became her daily expectation – just an extension of breakfast.

I see a similar trait in myself. When David and I started living together, he often made the bed. How wonderful, I think as I look admiringly at his boarding school-trained hospital nooks. I have yet to meet any man who has done this before.

Now he does it daily – and, like Coco, I take what was exceptional for granted.