A relationship coach has caused a stir online – claiming that men do not want to listen to their peers’ opinions.
Ellen Schultz (48), known as @drellenlovecoach on TikTok, is a self-described love coach who uses her platform to give advice on how to be ‘a happy woman with a happy life’.
She uses her platform to make videos about relationships – with a specific focus on how to be ‘a happy woman with a happy life’.
In one of her recent videos, she claims that men do not want to hear their partners’ opinions on world affairs or politics, and this may make women more empowered to stop engaging in debate with their husbands.
“There are a few different ways to look at this, because it’s actually quite a complex approach – it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it,” says Ellen.
‘Many women through social programming, feminism and their childhoods feel a need to break out of oppression that has absolutely taken place – they have been oppressed, abused, mistreated and are now coming through decades and decades of fighting against patriarchy and misogyny.
Little girls are taught to be tough, which is true, but by the time we get into our twenties and beyond, we have this very strong kind of armor that says, “don’t mess with me, I’m tough, I I is mad, I’m fierce ”.
‘When we find ourselves in a romantic relationship, we are subconsciously exposing and disrespecting the man, because we have become quite masculine and they have become feminine – they no longer know what their role in the relationship is, men do not know and women do not know. ‘
After previously earning a PhD in applied theater and working as a drama therapist, Ellen decided to turn her hand to relationship coaching after undertaking her own research following a series of failed relationships.
She started posting relationship advice online and quickly turned the role into a side print – and just before closing in 2020, she decided to do so because she was a full-time love coach.
She adds: ‘Women find themselves extremely frustrated – she does everything, plans holidays, schedules, works full time, takes care of the house and it started in the dating period when she arranged appointments, picked him up and bought him presents. .
‘They find themselves in a Catch 22 role and it’s quite difficult to find yourself back in the female role – we do not understand why we ended up with this man who is not a go getter and we ask why he lies on the couch playing video games all the time.
‘It’s our energies and behaviors that keep it going and push him away – a male man is going to fight back and he wants to be right.
“We want to be able to find our vulnerability and show it to our man in a way that will inspire his dedication to us, causing him to act in a male leadership role.”
Ellen, from Belfast, Northern Ireland, began looking at the relationship dynamics between men and women after a series of heartbreaks through her twenties and early thirties.
As a fan of Sex and the City, she says she was influenced by the ideas on the program and believed she should be able to find a committed partner just by going out, and together they can live forever and happily.
After becoming a single mother in her twenties and again in her early thirties, she began to wonder what the issue was and began using books, online courses and webinars to find the missing pieces in her relationships.
“It comes down to male and female energies,” she says. ‘If you have two male energies in a relationship it can cause a lot of conflict and competition, we need the polarity for chemistry and passion and if it’s not there it can have a dull, boring life with your roommate feeling and this is when things can happen.
‘We have a mother energy, we are his boss, his secretary, his CEO and a lot of the time we are so full of opinions about what he carries, eats and with whom he is friends, that we are just incredibly powerful.
‘Most men love a woman who can speak for herself and who has a voice, it’s something a man is really attracted to, but not when it’s directed at him, that happens.
‘Here, too, has a lot to do with self-worth – truly stubborn women want to be right and have the last word, but you do not always have to have the last word when talking to your husband about something.
“Often these women have trauma and a low self-esteem – our nervous system is very activated and we do not feel safe in ourselves, but trauma healing and inner-child healing can help.”
A major caveat to Ellen’s advice is that she says it does not apply to women in abusive situations.
“If there is any physical abuse, step out and get help immediately – there are many gray areas in abused relationships, seek professional guidance and help,” she says.
‘The issue is that the core of my work can be controversial and provocative.
‘Of course your husband wants to hear your worldviews and opinions, we want to be able to have these long philosophical conversations, but because the wife is in this defensive competitive dynamic with her husband, it can very quickly turn into a conflict.
“While women fight against patriarchy on a collective basis, women also fight with their husbands and fathers on a personal level.”
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