A mother has sparked debate after revealing she won’t let her seven-year-old son go to the men’s room alone.
In search of advice, the mother turned to the British parenting site Mothers net to explain that he started complaining about going to the ladies’ room with her.
She said she let him go to the Gents in a public place where she knows there’s “never anyone around” because she doesn’t want him to “see grown men using urinals,” but she doesn’t like the idea of it in busier places like the pool toilets, on the off chance that ‘someone dodgy’ approaches him.
Commentators rushed to voice their opinions, with some claiming she is “paranoid” and creating a problem where there isn’t one, while others sympathized and said they too would be concerned.
A mother has said that she will not let her seven-year-old son go to the toilet alone. She took to UK parenting site Mumsnet and said she doesn’t know how to explain why she doesn’t want him to use the Gents alone (stock image)
Explaining her predicament, the mother wrote, “I am sure this has been discussed before. When we’re out and my boy needs to go to the bathroom, I let him go to the Ladies with me.
The problem is that he starts to complain about it and wants to go to the Gents on his own. I had him do this in a certain place where no one is ever there, so I knew he wouldn’t run into anyone at the urinals.
She continued, “I’m always honest with him, but I’m not sure how to explain why I don’t let him do this anywhere else, like the pool/gym toilets.
Posting on the Am I being unreasonable? forum, the mother explained, “He knows the rules of Pants and personal space and consent, but I don’t want to say exactly what I’m concerned about. What do you tell your children?’
She later clarified her point by saying she doesn’t want him to “see grown men using urinals” or risk “an untrustworthy person approaching him.”
“We all know there are speed cameras and worse about it. I saw them when I was a kid and so do most of the women I know,” she added.
On UK parenting forum Mumsnet, a mother has asked what parents tell their children about going to the toilet alone because she fears letting her seven-year-old son use the men’s room alone
However, some commentators accused her of paranoia and told the mother that he was too old to go to the ladies with her and wondered when she would let him go to the men’s room alone.
One of them said, ‘When are you going to let him go to the gentlemen? A special outing on his 18th birthday?’
“I don’t think most men’s toilets are full of predators hanging out there all day waiting to pounce on a kid,” one wrote.
A third added: ‘You’ll have to get used to it quickly. He can’t stay with the ladies that long.’
Some commentators accused the mother of being “paranoid” and said she was the one who caused the problem
While a fourth suggested, “Talk to him about how to handle different situations.” I called after mine I was just outside so everyone inside knew someone was watching.’
In response to these questions, the mother further explained her situation by saying that her son had just turned seven.
She said: ‘Obviously he’s perfectly fine using a toilet himself, but the idea of him seeing grown men using urinals, or – however slim the chance – someone unreliably approaching him, worries me.
“We all know there are speed cameras and worse, I saw them when I was a kid and most of the women I know do too.
However, she realized she would eventually have to change and continued, “At some point he’s just not going to agree to go to the ladies, hopefully by then he’ll be ready to handle any bad situations.”
Many users were quick to tell the mother that he was too old to go to the ladies and one suggested she talk to him about the different situations he might be in.
A user sympathized with the mother and shared her own experience when she let her nine-year-old go to the toilet alone at a motorway service station
One user replied, “Let him go to the gentlemen and you’ll be out.” Tell him to yell if someone stops him from leaving. Otherwise, continue your teachings about strange dangers. At some point he has to learn to go alone.’
Another sympathized, saying, “My concerns about public toilets with my only 9-year-old when he goes in alone often revolves around him losing – I think of the crowded motorway service stations where we stop quite often.”
“I once let him go there alone with strict instructions on where to meet me (me and my daughter also had to go to the toilet). It took ages and I was so panicked, I imagined someone kidnapping him, it was so crowded that everyone could get lost in a crowd, just horrible…
“Most public toilets are fine I think, and he uses them alone, no problem, but I really wish they had more family toilets in busy/large towns.”
Elsewhere, another parent shared his experience of letting their young child go to the toilet alone.
They said, ‘He’s still young and I agree that at his age it’s worrisome to use only a gentleman. I’m afraid there are so many more deviants now because porn has made some aspects of sexual intercourse seem normal.
‘I remember my 7 year old using the ladies from Anfi Beach Club, Gran Canaria and a woman spat about it. She was politely told to tie her neck but she complained to the pool man who said it was ok as he was still small. ‘
Another revealed, “I challenge guys who look more than about 7 with the ladies.”
Many people were outraged by this revelation by asking if it makes them feel empowered or if they just want to complain
This revelation backfired and many were shocked by her behaviour.
One said, ‘Why? How weird. What’s wrong with a child sitting on the toilet, I assume people sit in their own cubicle and you close the door when you go to the toilet? It’s literally just a room with sinks and mirrors in it.’
A second agreed: “How ridiculous, you’re an adult and you’re challenging kids for using the ladies?” Does it make you feel powerful or do you just like to complain?’