MONDAY
I was sitting with the Prime Minister in the backseat of the government limousine at a traffic light when we saw something lying on the sidewalk.
“What is that?” I asked.
“Rags,” he said.
“But they do move,” I said.
He shrugged.
I think if you want to know what's going on you should always ask a limo driver. I suppose the same goes for taxi drivers and even bus drivers.
I asked him, “What is that?”
He said, “It appears to be an unemployed person, Your Grace.”
A shiver ran down my spine. I've read that shivering is the body's way of trying to keep warm. In other words, the horrible sight had made my blood run cold.
The Prime Minister looked at it and said, “All our problems are caused by someone who is unemployed. Louise, you are the Minister; do something about it immediately, please.”
The lights turned green. It gave me an idea to reform the welfare system and rebuild the New Zealand economy.
TUESDAY
I have ordered all social services in the country to install a traffic light system.
People receiving unemployment benefits are given a green, orange or red status.
Green means they can prove they are meeting their obligations. Orange means they are failing to meet their obligations and are in serious danger of sanctions. Red means their failure to meet their obligations is so serious that they should be punished on the edge of life.
“What do you mean by sanctions?” the prime minister asked.
“We have cut their benefits.”
“Good,” he said.
We were on our way to lunch, 100 yards from the Beehive. The limo driver said, “Your Grace, what happens to them when they have dependent children and suddenly there's no money coming into the household?”
“I'm not sure,” I said.
I exchanged glances with the Prime Minister. The limousine pulled up in front of the café and we waited in silence until the driver got out and opened our doors.
WEDNESDAY
Traffic was at a standstill this morning. To make matters worse, we heard Chris Hipkins on Mike Hosking's Newstalk ZB show. He doubted whether the sanctions would lead to more people entering the labor market.
“I don't care what he thinks,” the prime minister said.
“Nobody,” said the new limo driver.
We all laughed.
THURSDAY
Good news for job seekers today. Act leader David Seymour's new Department of Regulation is hiring a spin doctor. The annual salary is just $168,000, but we all have to make sacrifices.
FRIDAY
I was sitting with the Prime Minister in the backseat of the government limousine at a traffic light when we saw something lying on the sidewalk.
“I think so,” he said.
“Yes, that's him,” I said.
The traffic light turned green and we drove past our former limousine driver, who was now sitting on the sidewalk in rags, without looking back.