When Alicia Silverstone recently revealed on The Ellen Fisher Podcast that she still sleeps with her 11-year-old son Bear, the first thing the 45-year-old actress said was, “And I’m going to get in trouble for saying that, but it can be.” I really don’t care.’
And she was definitely in trouble, because the keyboard warriors came out with great force.
“Make it stop.”
“It’s not just ‘coddling’, it’s teetering on #child abuse.”
‘How will he learn to be independent? She’s not helping him.’
“I’m sorry, but 11 is too old. If they didn’t finish sooner, you’re doing something wrong.’
“It may be totally harmless, but isn’t that what they said about Michael Jackson?”
This isn’t the first time Alicia has admitted to using controversial parenting techniques. she follows attachment parentingdoes not raise her voice to her son and rarely used diapers during potty training.
In 2012, she even admitted to chewing his food for her baby before passing it on to him, calling it “cute.”
Back then, people were quick to pick up on the “incomprehensible” puns — and they were probably the kindest comments.
So she knew what she was in for when she reopened — and she definitely got it.
But what I can’t understand is why everyone is so critical of someone’s parenting style – or why they feel the need to make such critical, accusatory remarks.
I admit, I pray we won’t be sleeping with my son, Theo, when he’s 11 – but if he has anything to do with it, we can be. At four and a half, me and my husband Tom dutifully put him in his bed and he falls asleep. But at some point in the night – and I mean, every night – he finds his way with us.
It’s a nightmare. He tosses and turns, pushing us to the edge of the bed, one of us usually gets into his bed trying to get back to sleep. The other turns around the bed and tries to avoid Theo’s swinging arms and legs. For us, sleep together just doesn’t work.
We’ve tried again and again to put Theo back in his own bed, to stay awake until he falls asleep, but we’re just too exhausted to force it properly. “Why won’t you lie with me?” he will ask when he walk into our room at 1 am 2 am 3 am confused. How can anyone resist that? So one of us always follows him back to his bed and indeed snuggles up against him.
But, despite our totally opposing views, would I ever feel the need to abuse Alicia online, or accuse her of abuse just because her parenting choices are different from mine? Absolutely not.
Raising a child is an absolute minefield of choices and decisions that come at you every minute of the day. Will you give them the chocolate cake they spotted in the store or risk a tantrum? Do you keep reasoning with them when they ignore your 100th request to put on their shoes or do you give in and yell? All the while trying to figure out the short- and long-term consequences of your actions.
And we all do it differently. My three best friends and I have known each other since high school. We have very similar views and beliefs about so many things – but when it comes to parenting, we couldn’t be more varied in our approach to our children, despite them all being the same age.
Even my sister and I, raised by the same parents, in the same house, have very different ways of raising our children.
And that’s okay.
“Do you really lie with Theo every night until he goes to sleep?” my sister always asked with raised eyebrows.
I know they – and many other people – disagree. Cripes, in theory I disagree. But in practice he does need it.
And I’m not going to force it on anyone else, or convince anyone else to do it.
As Alicia said back when talking about her weaning style, “I wasn’t really trying to tell anyone what to do. I didn’t say this was something anyone should do. I wasn’t trying to be independent or cause such a riot.’
So if she doesn’t force her opinion on us, why are other people so eager to force theirs on her?
Fortunately, Alicia seems to ignore the ridicule and ridiculous insults she receives. But not everyone can.
The Be Kind post doesn’t seem to have reached the cruel commentators who feel they have a right to notice how other people are raising their children.
What they don’t seem to understand is that we don’t have to agree or disagree. It is, quite simply, not our place.
I can only hope Alicia manages to ignore this latest social media response and sleep peacefully at night. Whether that’s next to Bear or not.
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