Dear Diddle: How do you get over someone who wasn’t yours from the beginning?
I have been dating my lover for the past three years and am completely absorbed in him.
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But he just told me he wanted to give him a last chance to get married.
I am 28 years old and he is 45 years old. I met him during circuit training when he tried to fix me in my form.
I put him in his place, which he obviously liked.
A week later we sat at a rooftop bar in London where he won me and ate.
It was great to be able to date someone who was a little more mature. We talked about career goals and bucket lists.
And our case began.
His wife is an air hostess and will be absent for days at a time. He came to be with me in my apartment when she was abroad.
We were always having sex in every room.
He treated me like a queen, always brought home with gifts and cooked a gorgeous supper.
We took turns stopping it for years. I came for the first time when I decided I didn’t like to be his dirty little secret.
The second time, I was afraid that my wife was catching up. But we have always come back together.
But this time I think it’s over.
He brought a lot of flowers and a bag to take all of him home on Tuesday.
When I asked what was happening, he said. You know it
“But I can’t keep this up with my wife. I need to get our marriage done properly.”
I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak. In less than a week, we were planning our first romantic vacation to the Amalfi Coast together.
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Since then, I haven’t left the flat and haven’t eaten much in the last four days.
How can I overcome the loss of love in my life?
DEIDRE’s comment: It’s never easy to lose someone you love and see the future.
But that sounds like you knew, deeply, this guy never intended to leave his wife for you.
In reality, a man who has an affair rarely leaves his wife.
No one can simply erase their feelings. But over time, you will get over this.
My support packs “Moving On” and “Mending ABroken Heart” have some useful tips.
Read Support for friends and family. Be busy and make new positive memories.
Counseling may also help address this. Contact Relate (relate.org.uk) to find a local.