break a vow
There are some things New Zealanders should never do.
Rate Vegemite over Marmite. Indicate when you are going in any direction of a round. Say anything nasty about Kortlandstraat even though it’s been 20 years since you watched an episode. Consider Lords as overrated. do not think Goodbye Pork is the best New Zealand film ever made. Play Jacinta Adern correctly on social media rants.
And you should NEVER expect or wish the All Blacks would lose.
So, forgive this outburst of pagan betrayal … but I hope sort of the All Blacks lose tonight against Ireland.
Be patient with me!
Defeat in the opening test of this long-awaited series would perform two valuable functions.
This would be an early investigation by the All Blacks, specifically highlighting the positional areas of concern and some big questions about general readiness a year out of the World Cup.
It would also, very importantly, create the scene for an epic week in Dunedin.
Our test (next Saturday, if you lived in a cave) will be big enough. All Blacks vs Ireland, first big test in four years, sold out crowd – guaranteed buzz.
If the All Blacks were just beaten?
Boemfah. Light a match and step back. The atmosphere will be absolutely electric.
And when the All Blacks win at the Glasshouse, it sets an epic decider in the third Test.
Come on, Ireland. (Sorry.)
Completely deflating
Questions. So many questions after the Black Caps’ capitulation to England in the Test series.
And it was a capitulation. The reigning world Test champions against a team that has played terrible Test cricket over the past few years were not supposed to end up 3-0 against the home team.
Do you feel slightly irritated or genuinely exhausted?
Is this confirmation that an absolutely glorious Black Caps era is well and truly over?
Is Brendon McCullum a genius or just a man with impeccable timing?
Tom Latham – flat track bullying?
Henry Nicholls — average?
Why should Ajaz Patel not play every Test?
Has Kyle Jamieson been invented, and is Devon Conway a mere mortal again?
If the top order is terribly out of shape, who exactly are potential substitutes?
Why were the Black Caps merged next summer with just four home Tests, including two awful series of two Tests?
war spirit
Yes, they are terrible.
But we should all be Warriors fans this weekend as the struggling NRL team plays its first home game in almost three years.
It was an incredibly rough time for the Warriors, who sacrificed so much to stay part of the competition.
Set aside your despair over their results and give these poor blowers one weekend of nothing but celebration and your best wishes.
Let’s go, Warriors.
love and loss
Sports reporters are scolded forever for writing “negative” stories.
Now a website called Livefootballtickets.com (sounds completely legal) has produced something called a “sentiment analysis” to examine which sport has had the most negative or positive coverage over a decade.
Golf led the way with a sparkling positivity of 79.18% – I imagine the rate has dropped with the rise of the “golf prefaces” that the LIV series entails.
Rugby League was second with a strangely high 77.04%, even though it was a British exercise and the semi-constant NRL scandals may not have been included, and football was third with 71.05%.
Out for the score was boxing, which clocked at the bottom with a meager 54.67% positivity.
the businessman
Regular readers will remember The Last Word was a bit mean about golf caddies years ago, prompted mainly by the antics of Steve Williams and the insistence by some that he should have been a claimant to New Zealand’s sportsman of the year.
Now the rubric is a bit older and (probably) a bit wiser, it can appreciate the role that the bag carriers play in a nice social visit.
I was particularly touched by the recent story of Billy Foster, the veteran caddy for emerging English star Matt Fitzpatrick, who won the US Open.
Foster, a massive Leeds Football Club fan (like my uncle Geoff), had a 40-year career with spells that worked for Seve Ballesteros, Lee Westwood, Darren Clarke and others.
But he never won a major until he helped Fitzpatrick win at Brookline.
“I had very good days at the Ryder Cup, but of course it’s the shining jewel, 100%,” said Foster.
“I have to admit I did not think it was going to happen to me. My time is running out. I probably only have two or three years of caddy left in my ear.
“Someone said I got that monkey off my back. It felt more like a gorilla. It’s going to be one long party and I’m going to have a liver like a space hopper.”
fathers and sons
Another recent thread I almost missed was all the family ties in the NBA Finals between the Warriors and the Celtics.
No fewer than five players had dads who played in the NBA.
Superstar Warriors leader Steph Curry is the son of Charlotte Hornets scoring machine Dell Curry, wing Klay Thompson is the son of 1978 no. 1 draft pick Mychal Thompson, Warriors guard Gary Payton June is the son of Hall of Famer Gary “The Glove” Payton, and Warriors breakaway Andrew Wiggins is the son of travel companion Mitchell Wiggins.
On the Celtics side, center Al Horford is the son of former Bucks center Tito Horford.