AMY Winehouse’s “Back To Black”, Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” and Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” are the top songs Brits listen to when they get out of a relationship, according to research.
Ariana’s Grande’s “Thank U, Next” and Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road” were also in the top 30.
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This, from a survey of 2,000 adults who have been in long-term relationships and experienced at least one breakup, revealed that listening to music is their preferred coping mechanism after a breakup.
And while nearly half of those surveyed say they listen to sad music when their hearts are broken, not all breakup songs are melancholic.
More than four in ten choose powerful and upbeat music such as Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” and Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Getting Back Together,” which was also on the list alongside Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor.”
A playlist is composed by eHarmony whose relationship expert Rachael Lloyd has revealed the seven stages of a breakup, including disappointment, doubt, denial, anger, relapse, acceptance and happiness — and shared her tips on how to approach them in a healthy way.
She said: “Going through a breakup brings up all kinds of emotions at once, which can be overwhelming.
“Other times we may go on autopilot and block difficult feelings. Listening to music can help unlock them and allow us to grieve our losses appropriately.”
It also found that a third of heartbroken women focus on self-care practices to help them through a breakup, while only a quarter of men do.
Letting go during a big night out also proved to be equally popular for 24 percent of singles.
Overall, men are the least likely to use coping mechanisms (24 percent), such as eating comfort foods, watching sad rom-coms, or exercising to recover from a broken heart, compared to women (19 percent).
Looking at their fracture history, the study revealed that Britons have experienced an average of four fractures in their lives, the first of which occurred at the age of 20.
And most of us believe that five months is the right amount of time to wait before entering a new relationship.
Meanwhile, four in ten adults say the first breakup is the hardest, although they admit it never seems to get easier to get out of a long-term relationship.
While more than half were dumped in person, a third were dumped via text message, a quarter over the phone — and just under a fifth were simply ghosted.
Rachael Lloyd added: “Going through a breakup is psychologically similar to grief, because you lose someone who has been a big part of your life for a while. So it’s not surprising that we feel things like denial and anger before we can move on.
“Unlike grief, however, we can ‘fall back’ with that person, leading to all sorts of self-sabotaging habits. You have to learn to be kind to yourself as you push through.”
The study conducted through OnePoll also found that four in 10 adults turn to their friends for relationship advice, while more than a quarter turn to their families.
Yet a third of men do not seek help from anyone, compared to just over a quarter of women.
Interestingly, different generations also approach breakup from different angles.
Younger people (ages 25 to 34) admit that they will see a relationship counselor or counselor to work through a breakup, reflecting positive cultural shifts around mental health.
While more conservative 55-64 year-olds rely much more on their friends and only a fraction (5 percent) would be willing to seek professional help.
As it turns out, friends might not be our best counselors either, as nearly one in four got bad relationship advice from someone they know.
Cliches like “there are a lot more fish in the sea” tend to do the rounds for the broken hearted.
More than a third also admit that their own experience has influenced the dating tips they have given someone else.
Rachael said, “Most of us have a fairly subjective view of breakup advice, which is colored by our own heartbreak experiences. This isn’t always helpful, because every experience is unique.
“While we can help our friends spot factors like red flags, it’s also critical that we don’t project ourselves into their story.
“If a loved one comes to you to discuss their relationship, resist the temptation to talk too much about your own romantic trauma.”
It also found that a bad breakup prevented more than a quarter of respondents from entering another relationship, which affects women (three in ten) more than men (two in ten).
Rachael added: “A breakup should not be seen as just the conversation you have with your partner to end things.
“It’s the whole period when your body and mind process the pain before you can move on with your life.
“By accepting and thinking about your emotions, you can grow as a person and move into the next relationship with perspective, rather than negative bias.”
Top 30 Breakup Songs
1. Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
2. Whitney Houston – I will always love you
3. Fleetwood Mac – Go Your Own Way
4. Adele – Someone Like You
5. Gloria Gaynor – I will survive
6. Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U
7. Taylor Swift – We’ll never meet again
8. ABBA – Know Me, Know You
9. Dionne Warwick – Walk on
10. Undoubtedly – don’t speak
11. Coldplay – Fix You
12. Beyoncé – Irreplaceable
13. Destiny’s Child – Survivor
14. Al Green – How can you mend a broken heart?
15. Ariana Grande – Thank U, Next
16. Kelly Clarkson – Since You Been Gone
17. Sam Smith – Stay with me
18. Beyoncé – Single Ladies
19. James Blunt – Goodbye my love
20. Natalie Imbruglia – Torn
21. Bill Withers – Ain’t no sunshine
22. Joy Division – Love will tear us apart
23. Justin Bieber – Love yourself
24. Roy Orbinson – Crying
25. Toni Braxton – Loose my heart
26. Boyz II Men – End of the Road
27. Little Mix – Shout out to my ex
28. Carole King – It’s too late
29. John Legend – Used to love you
30. Robyn – Dancing on my own
The 7 stages of a breakup and how to approach them positively, according to relationship expert Rachael Lloyd:
1. Disillusionment
The relationship dies, the love is gone and you both know it, yet you observe a few golden moments that make you hold on to it.
Nostalgia, mutual financial obligations, maybe even children – there are plenty of justifications to say in an unhealthy relationship.
That’s why it’s important to embrace the clarity this sense of disillusionment has brought to you and your partner’s lives.
Build the courage to admit that whatever happens, you know it’s for the best.
2. Doubt
End is so painful! What if you never get over it?
This is partly because when we go through a breakup, we can go through the same kind of physical and mental withdrawal that addicts experience when they quit alcohol or drugs.
The brain’s reward system crashes when our happiness hormones (serotonin and dopamine) go south. We cannot sleep or eat. However, this phase is temporary.
Don’t let anything get you stuck in a relationship that no longer serves you. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be, and it’s worth remembering that fortune favors the brave!
3. Denial
The decision has been made, it’s over. You just can’t get your head around it. You feel numb and shocked.
This is not the time to keep everything to yourself!
Acceptance often comes from opening up to trusted family and friends.
You cannot overcome something that you shy away from. Keep talking to your loved ones to process your emotions.
They are on hand to help you understand your feelings.
4. Anger and Sorrow
It finally hits home, and you feel like playing the blame game. “If alone, what if, why?”
Accepting the anger is part of healing, along with waves of sadness that make you sob over your iPhone.
Let these powerful emotions surface and find a way to turn the negative energy into positive adrenaline.
Find coping resources and positive interactions, such as going to the gym, listening to cathartic songs, meditating, and seeing friends.
5. Relapse
You unblocked them and agreed to meet. Don’t sabotage your progress or plunge into sadness, sexual desires, guilt, or nostalgia…
Untie yourself again and remember all the goals you’ve been working towards. Minimize contact with your ex to stay on track.
6. Acceptance
Finally the clouds disappear. They are no longer on your mind the moment you wake up.
You can forgive all romantic injuries and begin to forget. You start to smile again.
Life looks up and you might even find a new flirt.
You realize there’s a whole world waiting for you! Test the waters, step out of your comfort zone.
7. Happiness
You feel yourself again. The cravings or pain associated with your ex are barely perceptible.
You have taken up new hobbies, moved on and grown from your experience.
You are able to reflect positively on the result and to enter into new relationships with a clear perspective.
Now you need to get to know yourself better and be ready to date again and find a compatible match.