Robyn Edie
“Like the Prime Minister I returned from my big overseas trip, and like the Prime Minister, I’ve brought with me some pretty impressive wins: these cassava chips to start and this free sleeping mask and moistened towel.”
Andrew Gunn is a film and television screenwriter and columnist from Christchurch.
OPINION/SATIRE: Your attention please, this is your Christopher Luxon speaking.
You know, like the prime minister I returned from my big overseas trip, and like the prime minister, I’ve brought back some pretty impressive wins: these cassava chips to start, and this free sleeping mask and moistened towel. To score!
But it seems that everything everyone else has done this week is giving me a break The world may move on with Covid-19, but experts say we need more masks
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“>to call New Zealand companies soft. So I’m here to say calm down the farm, Nicola, it’s not as bad as it seems.
For starters, experienced leaders like me know that one of the risks of a large poppy is that you are often quoted out of context. Who knows I didn’t actually say, “Look team, when we’re in Europe I don’t want anyone to say something stupid like ‘New Zealand companies are going slack’ or they’ll have to answer to me. Are we clear?”
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That’s just an example of course, that’s not what I actually said. What I was actually saying to a conservative London think tank about New Zealand was “companies are going soft”.
Which is of course a lot more nuanced. And really, nothing for New Zealand companies to get their panties in a twist.
ROBERT KITCHEN/Things
“What I actually said to a conservative London think tank about New Zealand was ‘businesses are going soft’.
Because if you think about it, and hear me out here, “soft” can really be very positive. No lesser source than the Cambridge English Dictionary gives several definitions of “soft”. I won’t bother you with all of them, but I can tell you that one of those definitions is “not difficult.” And isn’t that great?
What company wants a reputation for being tough? Precisely. So when I called New Zealand companies soft, I was actually praising them.
Did you also know that on the In the Chinese railway system, passenger carriages are referred to as “hard” or “soft”. And the soft ones are the best. So there is. Just think of those New Zealand companies – you are the best!
Shout out to Brian on my communications team for googling that little nugget.
ALDEN WILLIAMS/Things
Andrew Gunn: “Tell people what they want to hear, not what they don’t want to hear. Otherwise you will explain. And if you explain, you lose.”
What you have to realize is that when you talk to different people, you have to use different words. Just as I say things about New Zealand businesses to a right-wing British think tank that I wouldn’t say to the faces of New Zealand businessmen, the same way I can call beneficiaries “bottom-feeders” – but of course, again, not in their face.
After all, this is the mark of the true anointed leader. For isn’t it written in Scripture, “I became all things to all men”? (1 Corinthians 9:22). Precisely. Tell people what they want to hear, not what they don’t want to hear. Otherwise you will explain. And if you explain, you lose (1 John Key 2015).
Well, I’m glad we got it all sorted out. And I’m also glad that after all that chatter everyone, whoever they are, can still be perfectly clear what i think about changing abortion laws. There can be absolutely no doubt about that.
In the meantime, enjoy the cassava chips!