Asking For A Friend is a new series that answers the questions you always wanted to ask.
Imagine this: you’re going home from the gym on Saturday afternoon. Your partner is still wearing pajamas and spreading on the couch while watching TV.
“A good session?” They ask. “Yeah,” you sat next to them and answered with almost no touch.
Maybe they go to the store (it’s their turn to get milk) or you go to see your friends. Either way, by the evening you’ll find yourself on the couch, this time on takeaway.
The idea of going out on a date didn’t come to my mind-in fact, it wasn’t months-and the era of spontaneous sofa sex is long gone.
You are in the roommate stage.
What is the Roommate Phase?
“The roommate stage is what happens when a couple stops considering their relationship as special and falls into a comfortable cohabitation so that two friends share a space,” Relate’s training. Rhian Kivits, a sex and relationship expert who has received, says.
“They usually do well with little discussion. They may even feel satisfied because they have enough space to pursue work, friendship and personal interests.
“But they live Platonic and there is little magic or romance in their relationship.”
Simply put, the honeymoon stage is over, and you’ve fallen into a bit of a rut with your relationship, one is the lack of intimacy and romance.
Better than a constant Vickers or screaming match, the roommate phase is far from ideal. In fact, it can lead to resentment, awkwardness, and, in the worst case, unfaithfulness.
What is the cause of the roommate phase?
The roommate stage can sneak up for a variety of reasons, including the couple forgetting to prioritize their connections or losing their charm.
“Partners may stop prioritizing the romantic aspects of relationships if they are too focused on their interests or have tight work schedules,” says Ryan. “Therefore, they support each other and do what they believe is important, but there is little space to ensure that the quality of the connection is maintained.”
In this scenario, intimacy and sex are at a loss, but both partners may find themselves happy with something other than a relationship, such as building a career or enjoying a hobby. Willing to compromise.
The more depressing reason may be that the attraction is gone, but both partners are too attached, devoted and comfortable to admit it.
“They may like each other, but they no longer love each other as they used to,” says Ryan. “In this case, they’ve come to avoid intimacy, but it feels like it’s right, so they’re ready to continue as a couple … or each partner faces a problem or is important. I don’t want to hurt my partner. ‘
However, in many cases, the roommate stage results from complacency and comfort and is actually fairly normal. That’s what clinical psychotherapist and relationship therapist Ditty Tate calls the “practical” stage of relationships.
“When you get to know your partner and feel calm, it happens subtly slowly,” she tells Metro.co.uk.
But while it’s easy to get into the roommate stage, going out is another story.
How to get out of the roommate phase
Getting out of the roommate stage and rebuilding relationships requires two things: communication and great effort.
Talk about what’s happening
“The only way to break the cycle of avoidance and self-satisfaction that characterizes the roommate stage is to face the truth and communicate,” says Ryan.
Once you know where you are, you don’t have time to procrastinate. You need to talk to your partner about why this happened.
“This helps us to consider if we want to change things and how to fix the course,” Rhian adds.
Prioritize your relationship
It is true that our priorities are constantly changing and changing. As Tolani Shoneye of the Receipt Podcast often points out, we go through different chapters of life. Some are about work and some are about fun. Some are about independence, others are about love.
“To get out of the roommate stage, couples need to change priorities, spend better time together and rekindle the sparks between them,” says Ryan.
“This may mean that they have to compromise some of their routines and shift their focus.
“In reality, they may need to spend less time pursuing individual leisure or stop working late.”
Strive for each other
Similarly, it is important to stop taking each other for granted.
It is important to work with and for your partner.
“This may seem to be more voluntary, provide more gratitude and gratitude to each other, and value relationships with deeper intent,” says Rhian.
“We will take the lead in organizing dates, creating surprises for each other, and inciting intimacy again.”
Remember the magic and recreate it
Finally, trying to recreate the magic from the beginning of your relationship may be the key to rekindling the sparks.
“Look back and remember how you felt when you first got together,” says Ryan.
“What was the attraction of each other? What’s special? What did you say and feel romantic and fun? By recreating what worked first, you can resume life like a couple. Really helps. “
This can be from preparing separately and meeting at a restaurant, going to a fun, less common date, or even booking a holiday to the destination you went to at the beginning of your relationship. ..
Do you have a story to share?
Contact [email protected] by emailing us.
Details: How to navigate intimacy while living with vaginismus
Details: “Love coaches” say men don’t want to hear women’s opinions in relationships
Details: Ask a Friend: Should Different Libido Break Relationships?