IT’S long been a battle of the sexes – trying to figure out what your partner is thinking.
Yesterday we told how research has shown that men lose interest in relationships the moment they become sexually aroused by someone else – although of course they would keep that thought strictly hidden.
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So what else do men — and women, too — think when it comes down to it sex?
Today we reveal the biggest excitement partners usually keep to themselves, but have now shared with our Sun Sexpert.
WHAT WOMEN WANT
Open your mind
“I find it hard to let go in bed when I’m not emotionally connected to someone.
“To express myself sexually, I need to date guys who open up to me.”
You have to turn on our minds before you start on our bodies.
Most women need to feel safe and have an emotional connection in order to fully trust their sexual partner and let themselves go between the sheets.
This also means that you can be vulnerable too – if you want her to open up to you, you need to do the same.
Whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship, communication is key to great sex.
Quality counts
“I am still scarred by a man who wanted to have sex for more than seven hours straight.
“I kept pretending to get it over with, but then he would want to go again. It was a vicious cycle.”
Newsflash – women don’t like sex that goes on for hours.
Unfortunately, most guys get their sex education from mainstream porn, which falsely portrays good sex as eternal.
In fact, 75 percent of women will never do that reach an orgasm through intercourse alone – that’s why foreplay is extremely important.
Spend at least ten to fifteen minutes touching, teasing, or using a sex toy before engaging in penetrative sex.
As women, it’s very important that you don’t fake orgasms.
Not only are you preparing for a life of bad sex, but how can your lover improve if he thinks he’s a sexual Adonis?
Smelling nice
“I’m not interested in a man’s appearance. If he smells good, my knees will shake and I can’t wait to get his clothes off.”
Aftershave – or a man’s scent – has been experimentally proven to be the most important factor for women when it comes to selecting a potential mate.
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Simply put, we can’t resist a man who smells good. It goes without saying that bad breath and BO are the biggest sexual turn-offs.
So guys, prioritize your personal hygiene and make sure you always smell fresh before you plan on getting down and dirty.
Slowly and steadily
“There’s nothing more unpleasant than sleeping with a man who keeps asking if ‘you’re around’. If it was me, I’m not now.”
Studies show that women are less likely to orgasm when they feel pressured.
We need to relax, get in the zone, and not feel rushed.
Comments like “Are you there yet?” are unpleasant and will cause stress, causing levels of the stress hormone cortisol to skyrocket and inhibit our chances of orgasm.
Just like you like to know that the woman enjoys when she predicts or has sex with you, so do we.
So make sure we feel relaxed and that you have all the time in the world for us.
Don’t be needy
“I find it hard to let go in bed when I’m not emotionally connected to someone. To express myself sexually, I need to date guys who open up to me.
Sexual confidence is contagious. You don’t have to look Brad Pitt or having a gym-honed body to drive us wild in the bedroom.
Studies show that men who are confident are more attractive, while women find neediness repulsive.
Throw out the clingy behavior if you want her to want you in and out of the bedroom.
It’s not the size
“THE best sex I’ve had isn’t with the most endowed guys.
“In general, I found those men a bit lazy and the sex quite painful.”
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Most men are obsessed with the size of their penis and think all women want a big package.
While the average erect penis length is six inches, it’s really the movement of the ocean, not the size of the guys that counts.
So put your ruler away and focus on what makes you a great lover.
Clitoral stimulation and pairing intercourse with sex toys will help her cross the finish line.
If you’re really concerned about size, try the reverse cowgirl, where the girl sits on top with her face away from her.
This position gives you full control over penetration depth and speed.
WHAT MEN WANT
Object of desire
“MY ex-wife always expected compliments but never returned them, and it made me feel unwanted.
“Now that I’m dating again, I find it really attractive when a woman is confident enough to compliment you.”
It’s easy to forget that men also like to feel desirable and sexy.
Without praise, men can end up feeling shunned or considered a nuisance to their partners. Often this can be a catalyst for them to look elsewhere.
If your partner looks good, tell them.
Tell him if he does something good in bed. It will help you bond – in and out of the bedroom.
Keep the lights on
MY ex hated seeing her naked and wrapped herself in the duvet like a mummy. It was a real mood killer.
“We’re not even looking at your wobbly bits, we’re just really glad we got you naked and hope we won’t let you down!”
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Unfortunately, research shows that more than ten percent of British women feel depressed because of their appearance.
And if women don’t like the way they look, they prefer to have sex with the lights off or covered up.
Exercise is a great way to boost your body confidence — and your libido, too.
Just 30 minutes of sweating will release endorphins, including the feel-good “love” hormone serotonin.
Not only will you improve physically, but your mental attitude will change and your self-esteem will skyrocket.
Let us do you a favor
“I’ve dated women who’ve done ages of foreplay but haven’t gotten me paid back.
“But it’s a huge thrill to see us pleasing you.”
Some women are used to watching sex instead of actively participating, and they have trouble letting go and relaxing completely.
Thanks to mainstream porn and social restrictions, women have been conditioned to think that sex is all about men’s pleasure.
But you can help her break through those barriers by being patient and creating a safe space for her to express herself.
Spend time warming her up with lots of kissing, cuddling, and caressing.
Show, don’t tell
“An ex once told me after we broke up that she had been faking it all along. It was absolutely crushing.
“I wish women would be more directive in bed — we’re not mind readers.”
Faking orgasms is the worst thing you can do if you want good sex.
How are men supposed to know if they’re doing a good job if you’re lying?
Some women are embarrassed to speak up, but research shows that men think a woman who knows what she wants in bed is incredibly sexy.
Since men are visual learners, don’t be afraid to move his hands and show him how it’s done.
Use other places
“There’s nothing worse than meeting a really hot girl, only to find out she’s a complete bore in bed.
“Looking good isn’t enough – we want a woman who isn’t afraid to initiate sex and try new positions.”
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Many hot-blooded men like to explore new things, and this need for excitement doesn’t stop at the bedroom.
According to research, more than 60 percent of men crave more adventurous sex.
Think sex in the shower, in the woods or in the car – yes, really!
And don’t be afraid to mix up positions and experiment with sex toys, either.
Not only do men want you to lay there and take one for the team, they also want you to be adventurous, take control and get into sex.
Do not panic
THE last thing we want to hear when we’re struggling with launch is “Do you like me?”
“We are desperately trying to persuade our member to get up and such questions only increase our stress levels, with the opposite effect.”
MORE than half of men will experience erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives.
For a man, it can often feel like he’s failed as a lover and can affect his self-esteem, but it has nothing to do with how attractive you are.
He may even feel anxious because he finds you so attractive that he wants to please you.
If this happens to you, keep calm and be patient. It will help your man recover faster and he will appreciate your rational response.