These days I don’t feel safe going to the ladies room alone.
That’s a statement I never thought I’d make. It sounds crazy, doesn’t it? I’m not shy or scared, but after my experience in a pub in Westminster earlier this month, that’s how I feel.
The Marquess of Granby, frequented mainly by civil servants, is near where I work, but it could just as well have been any pub in the country.
It was a Wednesday evening and I was attending an event upstairs. Before going home after a pleasant evening, I went to the ladies’ room, which has two cubicles. I came out of mine at the same time as the neighbor, who towered over me at about six feet tall.
She was wearing a slim top that made her shoulders appear larger. And she spoke in a remarkably deep voice. A trans woman. The toilet was cramped and I had to stand directly behind her while waiting to use the sink.
“Nowadays I don’t feel safe going to the ladies’ room alone. That’s a statement I never thought I’d make. It sounds crazy, don’t you think?’ Pictured: Ruby Sampson outside the Marquis of Granby Pub, Westminster
I can’t deny that I was a little shocked. Still, there was a sense of novelty. What would she be like? Well, we had quite a nice conversation, not exactly girly, but friendly.
I thought, ‘This is going well, I can handle the situation just fine.’ I didn’t treat her differently. Why would I? We talked about the lack of toilet paper, the horrible taps and the temperamental hand dryer.
As she walked to the door to leave, it happened. I noted that we had no choice but to shake our hands dry, and she turned to me and replied, “I’m going to wipe my hands on my penis.” With that she disappeared.
So far our conversation had been quite positive and pleasant.
Now I was frozen with fear. I have no doubt that this was some sort of threat.
Why claim the fact that you had a penis in a same-sex female space? I felt like I was flashed when the penis image was brought to my mind by her announcement. It was said that it would be intimidating.
The proximity made it even scarier. What if she got violent? It would take ten minutes for my friends to realize I was missing.
They were waiting outside and when I told them they were shocked for a moment. I just wanted to go home.
Mainly frequented by civil servants, the Marquess of Granby is near where I work, but could just as easily have been any pub in the country
This brief but deeply disturbing episode played through my mind for the rest of the week, and I found myself exploring all sides of the debate over whether men who identify themselves as women should have access to women-only spaces.
Who, I thought, would want to hear about this and who would care? Cabinet Secretary Kemi Badenoch has spoken out on this issue and I have written to her about what happened. This made me feel a little better. I also wrote to the pub.
What I didn’t do, however, was notify the police. I didn’t want to be accused of transphobia for saying this person was in the “wrong bathroom.”
I think it’s important to state that I support the rights of transgender people to live an authentic lifestyle and I agree that people with gender dysphoria should be able to change their gender after the age of 18.
But genderless spaces are paramount to women’s safety. Gender and gender are different. If someone wants to use a different set of pronouns, I totally accept that and always try to accommodate them.
But the issue of self ID is different. Women are at risk because there is no open dialogue about the erosion of women’s spaces.
People are too afraid to speak up for fear of being cancelled. Men’s spaces remain single-sex, while the alternative is mixed-gender.
Politicians need to take note of the multitude of examples like mine and much worse and take action. That’s the point of my experience. It could easily become the norm, an everyday occurrence.
Cabinet Secretary Kemi Badenoch has spoken out on this issue and I have written to her about what happened
SHOULD we live with the fear that every time we use a public restroom we will run into a menacing trans woman with a penis?
I want to raise awareness of this issue and use my platform as a council member to bring about change. At Primark I recently had my first experience using gender neutral changing rooms. They have a small curtain but no lockable door.
I was trying on a pair of jeans and felt quite vulnerable – in danger.
This blurring of the genders is now everywhere. I went to Boots opticians and accidentally tried on men’s glasses that were too big for my face because men have biologically larger faces. An assistant said there were new rules and now all the glasses are mixed up.
I described my experience on Twitter and was amazed at the reactions of women who shared stories about changing rooms and toilets. Of course, the person who harassed me was not representative of the trans community, but my experience highlights the high risk self-ID poses to women’s safety.
Women’s spaces need better protection.
Ideally there should be men’s spaces, women’s spaces and a gender neutral space. If not, what happened to me – and worse – will happen to others. I want everyone to have equal rights, but I’m afraid that a few people will ruin those rights for certain groups.
As for the Marquis of Granby, I would find it very hard to go back there and use the toilets unless I was with a friend.
I would worry about it. And that’s actually quite tragic.
Transgender prisoners who are ‘at risk’ to fellow inmates and trans women with male genitalia are banned from women’s prisons in England and Wales
Transgender prisoners who pose a risk to other prisoners will be banned from women’s prisons in England and Wales from tomorrow.
The measure applies to transgender women who have committed violent or sexual offenses and transgender women with male genitalia.
It follows growing concerns about the risks of transgender prisoners and comes after the Scottish First Minister Nicholas Steur was involved in a feud over transgender double rapist Isla Brysonwho was sent to a women-only prison until a public outcry forced a reversal.
Minister of justice Dominic Raab said the measure would apply regardless of whether prisoners have a sex certificate of recognition, with exemptions only in the most exceptional cases to be signed by ministers.
Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon was embroiled in a row over transgender double rapist Isla Bryson (pictured), who was sent to a women-only prison until a public outcry forced a U-turn
Justice Minister Dominic Raab said the measure would apply whether or not prisoners have a gender recognition certificate
He added: “Safety must come first in our prisons.”
Justice Department figures show there were 230 transgender prisoners in England and Wales in the year to last March, of whom 187 were of the legal sex male and 43 female.
Of the total, 181 were in men’s prisons and 49 in women’s prisons. There were six transgender women in women’s prisons.
A Justice Department source said: “Our current approach is that transgender women can only be detained in the women’s estates if a risk assessment shows it is safe to detain them there, while in Scotland it is assumed they will be detained according to the rules of the Ministry of Justice. self-declared gender identity, unless there are concerns about risk.
“We are now going further to ensure that trans women who retain male genitals or who have been convicted of sexual or violent crimes cannot be held in women’s estates unless there is an explicit decision by the ministers.”