I’m looking for the man of my dreams – are you the one?

I am a very confident, articulate, loving and generous gay man who really feels that now is the time for me to find Mr Right.

I also happen to have cerebral palsy.

So here it comes – this article is my official quest for love and these are all the reasons why you should date me.

For someone who normally can’t shut up, it was a bit of a challenge to get started with this, but here I am and here goes. They say you only really regret the things you don’t do… well, let’s test that theory!

Let’s start with the essentials.

I have Cerebral Palsy, which means I use a wheelchair, so ‘being wiped off my feet’ is definitely not romantic, more like a logistical nightmare. But at 37 I am extremely independent.

I live in a flat that is fully adapted to my needs and I have support in managing general daily activities such as cooking and washing. No one helps me with anything personal and I am an avid user of all modes of transport in London, almost daily unaided.

My independence is very important to me; I’ve had experiences where people have suggested that my disability could be a barrier to being in a relationship.

A man from college—who had actually worked with people with disabilities—once said to me when we randomly met years later that he would “never date a wheelchair user.” Challenges, challenges.

I’ve been out as gay since 2004 since my first feelings for a man (God knows why I liked him – he supported Arsenal!).

To be honest, coming out wasn’t for me either. It was actually a bit of a disappointment in the revelations. I told my sister at the time and she just replied, “Okay then!” when she disappeared upstairs. I thought to myself, ‘Isn’t there supposed to be a drama somewhere?’

So what am I looking for?

I want someone who is there for me and me for them. A person who can be the last piece in the puzzle (and help me finish them), but also the man who will annoy me and lovingly steal the duvet.

I’d say I have a great smile and a great sense of humor – but at the end of this piece you can judge the latter!

I’m looking for someone who likes a good conversation and likes humor; someone who is caring, supportive and has a strong personality. I’m probably the world’s most avid reader and I’ve certainly done my bit to keep Waterstones up and running during the lockdown, so if the person I meet likes to read, that’s an added bonus.

I don’t really have a fixed idea who that is, but I do like it when someone has something they’re really passionate about, whatever that may be.

I want someone who is outspoken, committed to their life goals, willing to take the time to get to know me and ultimately open to the possibility of a long-term romantic relationship.

People will rightly ask me why I wanted to bring myself into the world like this. Frankly, it’s because it’s time to do something different.

Although I’ve been in love twice (and once or twice I thought I was), nothing has ever really “stalled.” I’ve tried every dating app under the sun – almost to the point of RSI – and realized it may never work for me.

There have been so many moments when I thought I was power just get somewhere when you are chatting with a guy but then things just stopped for no reason at all.

Maybe that’s because for some, ‘swiping’ has become the goal in itself and when they realize the person they want to meet, they don’t really feel like they want more (or we’ve gotten to the point of making plans to meet, he gets cold feet because he realizes I really exist) and that’s that.

I’ve deleted so many apps so many times that all the memories seem to roll into one, but an exchange of ‘it was nice talking to you, looking forward to meeting you’, and then nothing at all as I continue the day of meeting , pretty much sums up my online dating experiences.

The worst was when I did meet up with someone. We seemed to be having a good time, but then I realized he was browsing a dating app right in front of me.

I’ve often wondered if my disability makes it impossible for me to live up to the images of perceived perfection that we so regularly see projected through online dating in the gay community. It’s very clear that in most of the photos of me I use a wheelchair so people don’t have to go far to give a bad judgment right away, if that’s what they want to do.

I’ve certainly felt left out because I’m visibly different – ​​but then I realized I’m far from the only one taking on this challenge.

While I can’t say my dating life has always been fun, my disability hasn’t stopped me from making the most of what I have, and that’s a lot.

I have a wonderful family and friends and although I sometimes struggle with my self confidence and some of the challenges of living in a city that – although wonderful – is not always suitable for my chair, I have had a stable job with a telecom company now almost five years, which I am very happy with.

I am also a very independent traveler and have visited many countries including Spain, Italy, Australia and Egypt (oh and the Caribbean six times). If you want to go on vacation, my family is the one to join!

I have three sisters and a brother who live in Melbourne and my father is Dominican hence the frequent trips to the Caribbean. I also have extended family ties to Egypt. The other trips are city trips with friends.

There always seems to be a nice looking guy who catches my eye on my travels – usually on the subway, or just walking in the sun in local parks. As much fun as this is of course, they are usually with someone else!

Want to help me make it happen with a drink in the sun? Mine is a lemon and lime!

Seriously, it would be wrong to say I have no challenges. I don’t always find it easy to get out and, handicap or not, I tend to prefer quieter pursuits (I can’t stand being cold either!). But I think anyone who knows me knows when I’m in the room – mostly because I took the door off the hinges!

I wouldn’t be writing this if I could have found a relationship in a much more traditional way.

But I guarantee that meeting me is the best thing you’ve ever done – and you could be the one.

Are you interested? you can email Josh here†

Do you have a story you want to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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