Very early in my prolific career as a wedding guest, I told my friends I would never go to a ‘foreign’ bachelor party – and I’d rather say it now than make elaborate excuses when I receive an email with the subject line “IBIZA CLUCK CLUCK!’
My frugal attitude worked both ways: I wanted my chicken to be a one-night wonder. would be London – where we all lived – and thought it should cost £100 per head, all in.
To be clear, there’s nothing I love more than a wedding and the related celebrations, but I’ve also always found them low-key stressful because of the inevitable costs involved (hen party, hotels, gifts), which is completely incompatible with my salary.
So I agree with new research commissioned by SpareRoom, which shows that more than a quarter of young people would rather miss a wedding, bachelorette party or bachelorette party than face the financial anguish caused by going.
This is thought to be related to the cost of living crisis, with about 88% of adults reporting an increase in their cost of living in May, with 44% admitting to buying less food than before.
Pre-pandemic statistics showed that guests paid an average of £391 each to attend a wedding.
The problem is that this summer will be the wedding season on steroids as a backlog of couples can now get married without restrictions.
And now, if you believe everything you see online, you know that the norm is week-long Las Vegas benders or Ibiza getaways with private chefs. About 25% of British couples choose to have a wedding abroad.
I was devastated by the social media coverage of the Dolce & Gabbana-sponsored wedding of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker earlier this year in Positano, Italy, knowing it would foster a widespread belief that weddings should be big, exotic and extremely post-worthy.
I’ve long felt the pressure to wear new clothes to weddings, and if I sound stingy, I’m not alone. Mumsnet is a spokesperson for many who are dissatisfied with the pressure to prove their support for marriage by breaking up.
There are many stories of people being demoted from bridesmaid duties for not being able to afford a spa weekend in a rural hotel or taking credit cards so as not to admit they were not ready for a flight to Mykonos.
I am not suggesting that it is selfish to get married abroad. Two of my best friends had a destination wedding and I was thrilled to go – partly because I knew if I couldn’t go because of the money, they would have understood.
But there are those who believe that their friends should just suck up whatever expenses they get. This smacks of the title Main Character Energy.
However, if hosts need to be understanding, then guests have a duty to be honest. So if you can’t afford something, say so right away and firmly.
Perhaps these more financially constraining times can lead to a newfound sense of perspective on what friendship and marriage entail.
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