Thanks to Molly-Mae, I stopped feeling ashamed of my secret

Admittedly, there are few things Molly-Mae and I have in common (other than, of course, being the same 24 hours in a day).

I've never been to Love Island, and I've never shopped at PLT – let alone been creative director for the fast food chain. fashion brand. Unfortunately, I'm not a millionaire and I haven't been able to perfect that iconic high bun as easily as she has.

But beyond her gorgeous hair, extensive collection of dresser sets, and enviable streak-free tan, there’s something about her that has always appealed to me, ever since I first saw her on screen during season five of the reality series.

I'm talking about the fact that they still has a soft toy – a ragged elephant named Ellie Buik.

It was such a novelty at the time – that someone on mainstream television had a teddy bear and packed it in their suitcase before going on a trip – that the inanimate object made headlines and became a star in its own right.

We saw cute images of the toys that were among the Molly and Tommy in bed. It was also used as a prop by the boxer when he first confessed his feelings for Molly. Fans even petitioned for a Wiki page to be created, citing Ellie Belly as an official cast member of the show.

Why did it affect me then?

Well, I’ve had a thing for teddy bears since 1991, and have steadily expanded my collection over the years. I have a lanky, pot-bellied bear named Barnaby; a stuffed Totoro I bought in Japan; and, most importantly, Muffin, an off-white Bichon Frise who was already named, according to his tag.

I love all my stuffed animals, of course, but Muffin is extra special to me. My dad bought him for me when he went away for work, and I’ve had him since I was six (I’m now the ripe old age of 32, for reference).

Unlike the other specimens, which are in the closet or safely stored at my mother's house, Muffin stands on my bed, nestled between the pillows, on his hind legs.

I sleep with Muffin almost every night, but I have to say that after he was ten years old, I have never taken him on vacation or to stay with anyone.

I love to lay on the spoon with him, curling up in my favorite fetal position. I especially love it when he's freshly washed and I can smell the fabric softener as I snuggle up to him.

And it’s not just when I’m alone that I indulge in cuddles. While I often tuck Muffin under the bed (after hugging him and apologizing profusely, of course) when I first bring a guy home, I’ve also found myself cuddling Muffin when I’m sleeping next to boyfriends.

Most of the time they didn’t find this odd at all. But some of them feigned jealousy when I turned around and chose a teddy bear over them. Even more disturbingly, a few of them found it funny to leave poor Muffin in awkward positions because they found it hilarious that my cherished childhood toys were being defiled. Sickos.

Then I think, after my father's deathMuffin became even more meaningful to me. Yes, he is a hug, but he is also a reminder of my father.

According to psychotherapist Nicola NoëlMy teddy bear hugging doesn’t mean I’m “limited or regressing” (phew!). Instead, she explains to me, “it often means the opposite; that you’ve found a way to soothe yourself in a world that is far too often overwhelming.” Amen.

Nicola adds: 'Adults who sleep with their toys or blankets are using a tool that helps them manage stress and anxiety. It's a coping mechanism, plain and simple – like having a glass of wine to unwind at the end of the day or doing yoga to clear your mind.'

She also assures me that there are more adults with stuffed animals than you might think. (Shall we start a Teddies Not-So-Anonymous?)

“There's no shame in it. For some, these objects are more than just childhood relics; they're symbols of continuity and emotional security. When life gets tough, many people turn to these items as reminders of simpler times or to give them a sense of grounding. It's a comfort strategy that sticks, and honestly, if it works, why throw it away?”

While I do put Muffin in the washing machine regularly, as I said, many people don't. The same goes for other duvets, like blankets or favorite T-shirts.

'People often resist cleaning their cherished items because it can change the sensory qualities, the smell, the feel and even the way it looks after washing,' explains Nicola. 'These qualities can be a big part of why the item is comforting in the first place.

“It's not about hygiene; it's about preserving a certain emotional essence. I've heard clients describe their attachment as if the item itself contained their memories, their emotions, and let's face it, a bit of their identity.”

Dr. Elena Touroni, consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinicalso suggests that if your partner is annoyed by the whole teddy bear thing, it's best to talk to him or her about why you still have one.

'It's important to approach the conversation with openness and understanding,' she tells Metro.co.uk. 'By encouraging compassionate and non-judgmental conversation, both partners can respect each other's needs and perspectives.'

Nicola adds that it might be helpful to explore why it bothers them so much. After all, there are usually more pressing things to worry about in a relationship than a stuffed animal.

That said, if you find the habit is taking over, it might be time to reevaluate. You could talk to a therapist about your dependency, or try withdrawal methods to help you reach for the teddy bear less.

“Start by reducing the amount of time you spend with the item, perhaps only using it during particularly stressful times instead of every night,” Dr. Touroni advises. “Finding alternative sources of comfort, like a new bedtime routine, mindfulness exercises, or even another comforting object like a soft pillow, can help ease the transition. It’s important to be patient with yourself during this process—change can take time, and it’s okay to let go at your own pace.”

For me, it’s a healthy habit. I can leave Muffin at home when I go on vacation, and I prioritize hygiene over a festering fluffball. I see the nighttime ritual as just that: just like I’d take a bath or put on a Calm Sleep Story before bed, snuggling up with Muffin is a relaxing tool that helps me feel comforted and at peace.

I'm not hurting anyone, so why should I care about other people's judgment?

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