Royal commentator claims Spare ‘should never have been written’
Prince Harry‘s memoir has been brutally mocked in a parody version of the book entitled ‘Spare Us! A Harrody.’ The short book with a picture of a gagged Prince Harry the cover pokes fun at the Duke of Sussex with hilarious anecdotes and jokes about the many claims made in his best-selling memoir. Harry’s frozen penis is turned into a taunt about him being an “oversensitive d**k”, while his drug and alcohol use and relationship with the press are often mocked. Here, Express.co.uk takes a look at the parody’s 10 most shocking moments:
1. “A hypersensitive d**k”
Prince Harry raised eyebrows by discussing his frozen penis from his trek to the North Pole in his memoir and the author misses no trick by mocking the incident in the book.
The author approached the incident by describing a visit to a Harley Street doctor after arriving back in the UK.
The passage read: “The doctor did not look up from his desk when I entered, but told me to undress. I did, and there was an uncomfortably long pause as he finished the notes he was working on.
“He got behind the curtain and saw me for the first time. ‘What a sensitive prick,’ he said.
“I was thankful to be in the hands of someone who could make such a quick diagnosis.”
READ MORE: Prince Harry is “easy to mock” because “he’s kind of dumb,” says the author
Prince Harry’s memoirs have been parodied (Image: LittleBrown)
Meghan and Harry did not expect “demeaning” jokes about Spare, says former friend
For Spare, Prince Harry earned an advance of at least $20 million, according to reports. But the book also earned its fair share of criticism and ridicule.
A former friend of Meghan Markle has told Express that she and Prince Harry have now become “low-hanging fruit for Hollywood comedians”, and that the couple did not expect the “humiliating” jokes. Read more HERE.
2. Harry “reluctantly” wore a Nazi uniform
The Duke’s infamous costume party, where he decided to dress up as a Nazi officer, is another target of the parody.
His choice of outfit was heavily criticized at the time, forcing the royal family to apologise. But in his memoir, Harry claimed that the Nazi costume was actually the idea of the Prince and Princess of Wales – something the parody book was aiming for.
The excerpt reads: “I didn’t have a costume, but discovered a rental location near the party venue at the last minute.
“I went, reluctantly, and practically without thinking, almost at random and with eyes averted, the first outfit that came in, ending up with a Nazi uniform.
“Willy and Kate were there and it was probably their idea, honestly I really can’t remember.
“In fact, yes, I can remember and it was definitely their idea.”
Prince Harry returned to the UK this week for a trial (Image: Getty)
3. The late queen savagely mocked
It is not only Harry that the author decides to mock, the late Queen Elizabeth II is also the subject of ridicule.
The deletion takes place in the chapter detailing the moment when Harry asked his grandmother for permission to propose to his lover Megan Markle.
The parody’s memoir reads: “Finally she picked her nose, brushed off the bogey and in the signature cockney bass, which is her true voice when she’s not with the cameras, she said, ‘Fill yer facking boots’ arry . See if I care.’
“And let a burp hear that porcelain would shatter on the other side of a football field.”
Prince Andrew famously said he couldn’t sweat (Image: Getty)
3. Andrew’s sweaty claim
Prince Andrew also makes a brief appearance in the book, where his infamous claim that he has a condition that prevents him from sweating is featured.
The Duke made the revelation during his infamous sit-down interview with Emily Maitlis in 2019. He told the journalist: “I didn’t sweat at the time because I had suffered what I would describe as an adrenaline overdose in the Falklands War. was shot… it was almost impossible for me to sweat.”
Mr. Vincent addressed this later in the book when he noted that Harry couldn’t cry.
The passage says, “I couldn’t cry anyway, any more than my Uncle Andrew could sweat. As a family we were notorious possessors of liquid.”
Prince Harry’s real life memoirs were published in January (Image: Getty)
5. Harry’s displeasure with Butler’s telling memoir
One chapter is devoted to Harry’s “horror” that his late mother’s former butler, presumably Paul Burrell, though not named, has been given a telling memoir.
The chapter, which draws clear parallels with the Duke’s decision to release a book, details Harry’s “disgust” at such a move.
It reads: “I was speechless with horror…it was disgusting. That a trusted character at the heart of the family should go out and sell every tawdry detail at his disposal to the highest bidder – and then go on talk shows around the world to brag about it.
“None of us could tolerate the betrayal. It was unscrupulous. It was hypocrisy of the highest order.
“We were all so angry that we wanted the man hanged, pulled and quartered. Or at least halved.”
Queen Elizabeth II was mocked by the author (Image: Getty)
Six debunked claims made by Prince Harry in Spare that have been proven to be completely false
Royal fans have cast doubt on some of Prince Harry’s claims in his new book Spare, as one claim has been proven to be completely false.
From the claim that his stepmother, Queen Camilla, leaked stories of their first encounters to inaccurate dates, some of the allegations are under scrutiny.
6. Harry ‘wanted to be korma’
In the chapter about Harry’s encounter with the Spice Girls during a royal tour to South Africa, the author made a hilarious pun on the girl group’s hit “Spice Up Your Life.”
“But I didn’t want to spice up my life. My life was already a vindallo. I wanted it to be a korma, a passanda – or even better, an omelette and fries.”
It continued: “I didn’t know that over time my life would turn from a vindaloo to a phal. (A phal is the curry hotter than a vindaloo.)
“And I would find that phal of ideal. And I would suffer a phal out of mercy. My temperature would rise so much that I would need a phalmometer.”
7. Drug hypocrisy
Similar to Harry’s original memoir, the parody details the Duke’s drug use. In the comic version, Harry is confronted by reports that he is taking drugs by a schoolmaster, after being approached by the press for comment.
The royal family is furious at the invasion of privacy and furiously denies the allegations – despite describing his drug use in the previous chapter.
“I was still boiling from the pushiness and hypocrisy of it, and couldn’t calm down until I’d smoked six joints.”
This joke was later repeated in reference to his cocaine use.
“I was completely depressed about my treatment by the press. In fact, so much so that I decided a little line was okay, just to take the sharpness off.
Prince Harry’s book in numbers (Image: DX)
8. Moment when he ‘came face to face with pure evil’
Blended in with chapters reflecting on his time in Afghanistan with the military, Harry describes the moment when he “came face to face with pure evil” – but he wasn’t talking about the Taliban.
“After months out there, near the epicenter of the war, I finally came face to face with pure evil. My blood went cold.”
The parody version then revealed that the enemy was in fact a journalist.
It continued: “Every moment I was in their presence, it felt like maggots were crawling all over my skin.
“Every move I made was extremely controlled, with danger at the slightest mistake that could turn into a life-threatening shit storm.”
Prince Harry made several claims against the Firm in his book (Image: Getty)
9. Late Queen dodged a hug from Diana
The book repeatedly poked fun at Harry’s claim in his memoir that there is a lack of physical affection within the royal family.
This was highlighted with a specific example in the parody version, which detailed a time when the late Queen Elizabeth managed to dodge a hug from Diana at break speed.
“There was a total lack of physical contact. My mother is famously once tried to hug my grandmother, who slid out of the embrace with the whippet-like speed of a fly-half.
10. Harry wanted everyone to know he was p***ed off with his family
In one of the final chapters, the book describes how Harry wanted to work, be active and “spread the message”.
At the end of the page, the reader discovers what this work is – not charity work or promoting a good cause – but his anger at his family.
It describes an exchange between Harry and Meghan, saying, “‘I’m glad you think I’ve raised awareness enough,’ I said.
“You have,” she said. “The whole world is now sure that you are incredibly angry with your family.” Finally I could relax.”
Spare us! A Bruno Vincent Harrody will be available from April 1, 2023