On A-level results day, Emily Allen explains why university isn't always the best way to prepare for the job market.
I dug my nails into my palms, got up from my desk, and stumbled down the hallway.
Once I reached the private restroom in the office, tears finally started streaming down my cheeks.
Unfortunately, this had become a common occurrence. Two, maybe three times a day, I would find myself to cry in a toilet cubicle, or sometimes in silence at my desk.
This particular anger all came from an email my boss sent. It said, 'This is not the standard we expect – start over.'
On the surface, that might seem like a perfectly reasonable request between a manager and a junior staff member. But it only reinforced how inadequate, useless, and completely unprepared I felt for the world of work.
Just a few months ago I left university full of success and full of enthusiasm for the future.
In retrospect, I wish I had never pursued further education and instead taken a completely different path.
When I was in sixth grade, college was seen as the only path to success.
No one has ever talked about exploring other direct routes to the workplace, such as a internship – and honestly, I never considered an alternative.
Going to university, studying a subject I was passionate about and seeing what exciting career path would eventually take me the dream for me. So I'm doing everything I can to achieve it.
I worked nights and weekends to make sure I got the grades I needed, and when I got an offer to study English at my first choice university, I cried tears of joy.
My time there was everything I had dreamed of. I loved the new freedom, the friendships with people from all over the world, and studying a subject I loved at an advanced level. Most of all, I enjoyed being at a prestigious institution where I had truly earned my place.
But while it was fun to spend three years in a haze of writing essays and drinking on the lawn with friends, the only time anyone started asking me what I wanted to do after college was as I was approaching my senior year.
During all this time, there was still no clear career path mapped out for me and, to be honest, I still had no idea what I wanted to do.
Desperately I sought help the careers center at my university.
'What are you good at?' they asked. Writing was the only honest answer. I was sent away with a handful of leaflets on postgraduate law conversion courses.
I'm not convinced that a career in law is for me, I spent the entire summer after graduating applying for jobs for all sorts of things, yet every description was peppered with buzzwords and a language that was totally foreign to me.
They all wanted 'a motivated self-starter', someone who 'able to spin multiple plates' or could 'involvement effective reporting and analysis'.
All I could do was reason that maybe I could learn all those things and more. I just had to get my foot in the door.
However, rejection email after rejection email quickly filled my inbox and I was increasingly discouraged.
The only consolation was knowing that my friends had similar experiences, some of them even had multiple interviews in one day!
I assured myself that the rejections didn't matter: as long as I got one job after graduation, everything would work out fine.
Finally, four months after graduation, I got my first job as a working student in PR.
I was so excited for my first day, I made sure I dressed appropriately and was eager to learn.
But the change from the supportive academic environment to the relentless fast pace of the corporate world – where my skills were completely impractical – was difficult to cope with.
Could I write an analytical essay comparing authors from the 18th century? Without a doubt. As for compiling a client report, writing a press release, or even scheduling an Outlook meeting, I had no idea.
Where I was used to having ample time to research and prepare work, and I was struggling with the new, seemingly impossible maxim of “we need this now, and we want it to be perfect.” Doing your best no longer counted.
Then I realized that university had not prepared me at all for the job market.
My repeated not living up to the expectations of the job alone I felt increasingly isolated from colleagues and was too nervous to speak up in meetings for fear that I would wrong.
I didn't want to take on new challenges, but saw every opportunity as a potential failure that I had to avoid at all costs.
As the days and weeks passed, I would start sweating when I arrived at the office, my heart rate would increase, terrified of what the day would bring. My anxiety affected my ability to concentrate and mistakes started to creep into my work, making matters worse.
Stuck in a vicious cycle, the voice in my head growled louder every day: 'You are a failure. You are useless. Everything you do is wrong.'
My friends and family noticed that I was becoming more withdrawn, anxious and skittish – very different from my usual social self. I started scary workterrified of the troubles that day would bring. I felt trapped from the moment I started until 5:30pm.
It was during a work-from-home day, when I was still living with my parents, that my mother found me crying in the study; up until then I had been putting on an act. She turned off my laptop, took me downstairs and we had a conversation, which led to her suggesting a counselor.
At the suggestion of my family, 10 months into my job, I went to a counselor who specialized in career coaching.
Under her guidance, I began to learn how to successfully navigate the office environment and, more importantly, how to adapt the skills I had to the workplace. We worked on both 'soft' and 'hard' skills, from prioritizing and scheduling to better manage workflows to giving presentations to senior colleagues.
The therapist also suggested that I further develop my love of writing and submit ideas for articles (over and over again, despite many rejections!) until my first published piece helped build my portfolio.
I quit my job after a year, in 2021. It took time to learn to view my 'failure' as a learning experience, and to have the confidence to proudly hand in my resignation.
It took a long time, but my confidence came back. I I tried a few different jobs including teaching GCSE/A-level and volunteering as a copywriter for a charity, and found my niche.
I currently work as a copywriter and freelance writer on the side; I still remember the warm, happy pride when I saw my first successful copy published. I feel emotionally 'at home' in my new role and absolutely no more daily tears, thank God!
If I could give an 18 year old, included I would give one piece of advice to my younger, bookish self: consider all options.
I think that despite the dreams of squares and reading Austen all day, it might be better to learn the tricks of the trade and get some work experience.
If I had had that advice back then, it might have been a very long and bumpy road to a successful career.
Five years later, navigating the work environment has become second nature. And while there are still days when I feel a flare-up of imposter syndrome, I am proud of the path I have carved out for myself each and every day.
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