The victim of Paul Moody grew up with the idea that she would never let a man treat herself badly and considered herself “one of the strongest girls you would ever meet”.
When she was diagnosed with stage four cancer, she thought it would be the worst thing that could ever happen to her.
But while she was going through a brutal treatment plan to get the disease under control, she encountered a monster online at the same time.
“I believe he is worse than any cancer. I could not bear the pain and torture of this man anymore,” said ‘Nicola’, as she was known in court.
She said in her victim statement that she had considered committing suicide.
Speaking to RTÉ after the sentencing yesterday, she said: “No other human being should treat another human being like that. It is cruel and beyond evil. While he was trying to destroy my life, he destroyed his own.”
When they first got together, Moody was “charming” and “funny,” she said; a “sharp dresser,” according to a friend.
The fact that he had been a member of An Garda Síochána, at that stage affiliated with Irishtown, for almost 20 years can only allay her doubts. How reliable could you be?
They soon grew very close. Only now does she realize that what she considered intimate conversations was simply “a way for him to get information that he later distorted and used to emotionally blackmail me if I ever left him,” she told the court.
Compulsive control is often described as “an invisible cage”, where the abuser uses subtle tactics to deprive a person of their self-esteem and freedom, leaving them humiliated and feeling “less than”.
Psychologist Orla Duff, of Malahide Counseling and Psychotherapy, said compulsive control is most often identified when a client comes forward for counseling for another problem, such as body confidence, social anxiety, or a work-related problem.
I feel the weight of him on my body, he is choking me, pulling my hair from the roots
It usually comes as a relief to the victim when they are told they are not “going crazy”.
“Many people think of assault as physical violence, but this is so much more harmful: gas lighting, emotional abuse, isolation, belittling. It could be years away,” said Mrs. Duff.
“Some people don’t want to see it as compulsive control — they still deny and mostly minimize behavior.
“They say things like ‘But they’re a really good dad’ to try to bring out the positives. It’s a hard thing.”
Slowly and surely Moody began to break down ‘Nicola’.
She said she now understands “how an abuser breaks you down and takes your strength and power away”.
Moody hit her and forced her to climb out of a window to get help.
He took secret photos of her naked and threatened to post them online. He looked up her friends in Garda Pulse’s data system and threatened to blackmail them.
He bombarded her with abusive text messages and sent her more than 31,000 messages, ranging from threats to attempts to humiliate and humiliate her.
He had access to her phone and it felt like he knew what was going on in her head.
“It felt like my mind was broken glass. I didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore because it broke my mind,” she said.
On many occasions she feared that Moody would kill her.
“I can feel the weight of him on my body, it’s choking me, ripping my hair from the roots,” she told the court.
“I was afraid to show vulnerability, because that’s when he attacked me the most.”
I survived him with cancer so I want others to know they can too
He knew how weak and sick she was from chemotherapy and taunted her into committing suicide.
He often mocked her illness and spoke of her death. He even stole her prescribed cancer medication, knowing she couldn’t afford to replace it.
In her victim statement, she outlined the day Moody finally “broke” her.
She was driving him in the passenger seat to the hospital when he became verbally abusive.
She stopped to let him out, but he took her hospital bag.
He later showed up at the hospital, but said the only reason he was there was to watch her “bleed to death”.
Moody started to take her in and she asked to get him out of the hospital.
“That was the last straw. That’s the day he broke me,” she said.
She was ashamed to put up with the constant abuse and warned that “other people’s shame and judgment allow the abuser to get away with so much”.
“Women are afraid to tell the truth,” she added. “I survived him with cancer, so I want others to know that they can too.
“I really want to encourage other people in a similar position to come forward for support.”
Her bravery was commended by Safe Ireland, the organization committed to ending domestic violence and coercion, which praised ‘Nicola’ for filing a complaint through the legal process in the face of ‘what unimaginable terror and intimidation must be’ been’.
Miriam Kivlehan, Safe Ireland program and communications officer, said she was also at risk of relying on the Garda institution, of which her torturer was a serving member.
“In many ways, the survivor made a very significant contribution, both setting the legal precedent and highlighting the nature of compulsive control in all facets of society,” she said.
Domestic violence services across the country have been confronted with this form of abuse for many years, and this case highlights the importance of its recent criminalization.
However, she said Safe Ireland is disappointed with the relative leniency of the sentence Moody received.
“Safe Ireland is calling for a review of the current maximum sentences and for education to the judiciary about the nature and severity of coercive measures,” said Ms Kivlehan.
Kate Liston, a Limerick family law attorney, told the… Irish independent she begins to encounter this compulsive control in her own practice.
“A lot of people can be in these relationships for years and years without ever being able to describe what it is,” she said.
Financial abuse in particular is one of the most recognizable components.
“Someone might say, ‘We’ve never been able to go on vacation or do anything,’ then the divorce proceedings begin and they discover there’s $100,000 in an account that they may not have been able to touch,” she said.