I played with my cousin as a teenager – but so did my other cousin

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my niece told me she sexually tampered with our male niece as a teenager, I was shocked. . . because I did the exact same thing.

For years it was my guilty secret, something I was ashamed of. Now I don’t know how to feel or what to think.

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I am 24 and my niece is 25. Our niece is 26.

All our mothers are sisters and we have spent a lot of time together over the years.

When I was 14, I liked hanging out with my male cousin.

We were both totally inexperienced with the opposite sex and I have to admit I was always a little bit in love with him.

On a couple of occasions we shared an illicit drink and ended up kissing and touching each other through our clothes – just to see what it was like.

It was a harmless experiment, but I always felt a little weird about it.

We knew people would disapprove of it, so it was “our secret”.

We grew out of it after a few months and never talked about it again. Now we have a normal adult cousin relationship.

But last weekend I met my niece for a night out.

We both drank a lot and had a heart to heart about our childhood.

She confessed that when she was 14, she and our male cousin had experimented with a little foreplay.

I was silent and told her the same thing had happened to me.

She laughed and said it was all very innocent.

But when I heard this, I got upset and felt strange. Not sure why.

DEIDRE SAYS: Sexual curiosity is normal and many young people experiment with friends and relatives.

As long as what happened was consensual, and you didn’t feel compelled, no one was doing anything wrong.

You have no reason to feel guilty. In fact, there is nothing legally wrong with being in a relationship with your first cousin. It is not considered incest.

Maybe this is bothering you because you felt you had a special relationship with your male cousin, and now that’s in question.

Or maybe you feel like he wasn’t being honest with you, or using you.

If this continues to bother you, talk to someone about your feelings.

You can contact The Mix (themix.org.uk0808 808 4994) a free confidential helpline for people under 25 that provides confidential emotional support.

If you are concerned that something inappropriate has happened, please contact the NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk0808 800 5000) in confidence.

There is a section on her website about historical sexual abuse.