The call could come at any moment. There is a child in crisis who urgently needs a home. They may need to be with your family for a few days or maybe several years. Can you help?
We have cared for 27 children in the past 25 years. The youngest was three days old, the oldest 17,” said long-term foster carer Teresa Connolly.
“The three-day-old baby is still with us. She is now 19.”
Teresa (60) and her husband John, who lives in Laois, made the decision to become foster parents after having two children of their own.
“We felt we had a lot more to offer. Both of our children were under 12 years old when we started fostering, and they agreed with the decision. This is a journey we have all taken together.
“All the children we have welcomed into our home become part of the family. Some have stayed in our family and are still part of our lives. I now have grandchildren that I would never have had if we hadn’t decided to feed .”
The Connollys are among 3,991 foster carers currently caring for 5,248 children in need across Ireland. However, this figure falls far short of current requirements.
Ireland’s agency for children and families Tusla launched a national campaign last month to recruit more foster carers to meet the growing demand for people to care for children who cannot be cared for by their parents. This demand is also driven by international humanitarian crises.
Most of the children who are cared for here are with foster families, rather than in care homes.
“In 2018, 92 percent of the children were cared for in childcare. Now that figure has fallen to 89 pc. We need to watch that space very closely,” said Catherine Bond, CEO of the Irish Foster Care Association (IFCA).
“A foster home is a much better option for a child than a home. We want and need more people to consider foster care, but they also need more support.”
Teresa recognizes that being a foster parent comes with its challenges.
“The rewards can be phenomenal. We are so blessed, most of the children who have come to our house have been for long term care. Many have stayed until they reach adulthood. We have treated every child as one of our own. But it’s definitely been that sometimes it didn’t work out.
“Some children have complex needs and cannot form attachments. You have to call on them. There are always tears in this house the night a child has to leave. It’s always a sad night and you keep wondering, ‘Have did we abandon this child?’”
While the rewards far outweigh the problems, Teresa says, foster families need more support from Tusla.
“Every child who ends up in the shelter has experienced some kind of trauma. Some children have seen terrible things that they should never see.
“Even babies in the womb – they may have experienced domestic violence or are living with the effects of drug or alcohol abuse.
“Young people are also coming in with more complex needs. Tusla needs to do more to support the children and the foster parents. If it weren’t for the support we got from the IFCA, I think myself and John would have stopped fostering years ago, in difficult times, but we are so glad we didn’t.”
Claire, who asked not to publish her full name to protect her foster child’s identity, is new to foster care compared to the Connolly family.
She and her husband saw that Tusla was urgently looking for foster parents in the early stages of the pandemic. They were unable to conceive and thought that foster care could be a satisfying way to have children in their lives.
They followed the mandatory Tusla training, the interview process and the garda vetting. Within five months of the start of the trial in 2020, a newborn baby boy arrived to join their family.
“We got a call asking if we would be raising a newborn. We had half an hour to make the decision and 24 hours later he was here. You can imagine the rush to get all the things needed for a newborn baby. The baby came straight from the maternity ward.
“The training and interview process were very important, but not burdensome. They try to match the right child to the right family. We were willing to take in a child of any age, from 0 to 18 years. I see it as a privilege.
“Technically he could go back to his parents at any time. My husband calls it the elephant in the room. We treat him like ours, but we are aware that in some ways he isn’t. So we treat every day with him as a privilege – we really do. I hope he is with us forever.”
Claire and her husband say they will consider adopting their foster son in time, if possible.
“From a legal point of view, we certainly want that, but we don’t want to hope for it.”
Ideally, all children in foster care have a relationship and contact with one or both biological parents. But in some cases contact is not possible. It is handled on a case by case basis by Tusla social workers.
“It can be difficult being a foster parent. But at the same time it’s the best thing we’ve ever done’
Trying to make sure her foster son knows where he comes from, Claire is already reading books on foster care and adoption.
“His mother named him. I tell him that his good looks and his name came from his mother. It is important that he knows where he comes from, just as he knows that we love him. All I want for him is stability. Every child deserves a safe home.”
Claire’s foster child’s social worker is technically his legal guardian. One problem with this is that, despite being only two years old, the toddler has already had seven social workers.
“There are all these legal issues to navigate, being a foster parent can be difficult. But at the same time, nurturing is without a doubt the best thing we’ve ever done.
“But there’s a lot to think about before you do it. There’s a huge emotional and financial pressure. We’re definitely both worse off financially. But finances shouldn’t be a factor if you’re considering nurturing.
“I really think more people should be open to foster care. There are people who don’t even realize how much they can offer a child. Not us.”
Foster carers are entitled to an allowance to care for a child. For children up to 12 years it is € 325 per week and for children aged 12 and older € 352 per week.
“Every cent of that is spent on my foster son, and we spend more, which we love to do,” Claire adds.
“But I think there should be more support from Tusla. We’ve had a lot of help from the Irish Foster Care Association in terms of impartial advice. They have been invaluable to us.”
In the recent budget, foster parents received nothing extra, despite submissions from the IFCA.
“Nurses got nothing in the budget. The allowance for foster carers has not been increased since 2009. People who choose to become foster parents do so because they really want to make a difference in the lives of children,” adds Ms Bond of the IFCA.
“Many foster parents are now approaching retirement age and have nothing to do with it in terms of non-contributory pension. That is a problem.
“Family parents provide an important service on behalf of the State, but that service is not fully recognised. No one wants children to go to a home because there are not enough foster families.”